Life Update | My November Booktube Break

I’ve had a really shitty fall, full stop. From having my privacy invaded by someone on goodreads, to losing a pet who I’ve had since I moved away from my family, to just missing my family every second of every day, to not knowing where I want to set up roots, to losing friends, I’m just sad. I feel like I live my life in extremes; from pure happiness from escapism, to pure sadness from feeling like I’m letting everyone down.

It’s so pathetic that I feel like I’m not good enough, when I have so many people supporting and cheering me on. Why do I let those few negative voices be louder than the so many positive ones? Why do I constantly feel like I could be doing better or producing more? Why do I correlate my worth with my productivity in every aspect of my life? I know I’m human, and that I will grow, and I will be better, and that I will be happier, but sometimes it just feels so fucking heavy carrying the weight of everyone else’s expectations of me. I’m not perfect, I’ll never be perfect, and I’ll never be the perfect book reviewer or content creator, but I promise I am always trying my best with everything I produce, and it comes from my whole entire heart every time.

I just feel like these spaces that I’ve carved out online with my whole entire heart just bring me sadness lately. It’s not even just BTS and Kpop, it’s ASMR, it’s video games, it’s anything that isn’t book related. And I understand this community is so small, and I understand that people do correlate the name meltotheany with books, but the name meltotheany is just a part of my soul and who I am as a human and I think a lot of times people forget that content creators are human beings with so many feelings. Also, content creators have offline lives, and some people feel very scared to let people in on their offline lives, while also really struggling with setting boundaries and limits for people respecting your privacy. (it me.)

But I’m behind on reviews, I’m behind on wrap ups, I’m behind on reading, I’m just behind. I don’t know what to do moving forward because all the spaces that have brought me so much happiness for so long just feel tainted. From favorite books, to favorite bands, to favorite places. I’m not sleeping enough, I’m not eating enough, all the while this hole in my chest just keeps getting bigger and bigger by also not feeling like I’m enough.

I love you all so much and most of the time that love feels all encompassing. I know I’m so privileged and so blessed and I promise you I’m so grateful. Yet somehow, those facts don’t equate to me not being heartbroken over so many things while constantly pretending like everything is okay. I truly am so very sorry if I’m letting you down. I promise I’ll be better, and I promise to be better for all of you too, but right now I just need a break. The whole point of this blog post is to just tell you that I think I’m going to take the month of November off of everything except for Goodreads and Instagram so I can relearn to love some of my passions, while also (hopefully) relearning how to be kinder to myself.

Also, maybe it will make you feel better to know that just randomly typing all of this out really felt cathartic. It is a good reminder on why I love books and reading and reviewing and just words in general, and how I never want to lose this love. Hopefully I can come back happier and stronger for the both of us. Happy reading, friends. I love you.

Instagram | Bloglovin’ | Twitter | Tumblr | Goodreads | Twitch | Wishlist | Youtube

23 thoughts on “Life Update | My November Booktube Break

  1. i love you dearly ❤ sometimes all it takes to remember why you love what you love is taking time and letting yourself find them again. take all the time you need!! all the love.

    Like

  2. It is SO important for you to take a break! Everyone needs a break sometimes, and your mental health and you in general is so much more important to me than the content you put out. I hope your month is wonderful! ❤

    Like

  3. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I’ve been having a really rough month, too, as has a lot of my family members… must be something in the air. I think you’re doing the right thing… taking time for yourself and then getting back at it when you’re ready. Much love.

    Like

  4. I’m not a consistent content creator, but I think I need a break, too. Unrelated – but sometimes Book Twitter is so depressing. I’ve seen so many put downs versus encouragement lately.

    You are so wonderful and a breath of life to this community. Things can def. be hard behind the scenes and your a person first and foremost ❤

    Like

  5. Aw honey, I’m so sorry you are going through this. You are so important to us in the book community, but your mental and physical health is the MOST important. YOU as a person are the most important, never forget that and know that your true friends and supporters will never be let down by you growing and loving other things. xoxoxox

    Like

  6. I love you so so much, Mel, and I’m so sorry that you’ve been going through this. If you ever need anything, even simple messages about Cardan when I read TWK or more meaningful words to remind you that you are more than enough, you know I’m always here. We all love you dearly, and I hope you can find solace in this break by taking time for yourself to heal and find your happiness again! My love is with you forever and always (and I 100% will be messaging you about Cardan soon) 💛

    Like

  7. Aww sorry things have been so rough. You should definitely take time for yourself and find your mojo again. Everyone needs breaks now and then! Wishing you lots of happiness😘

    Like

  8. Take time off to heal, we all need that. Heal from inside out. And find your happiness in small things, with family first. With your support system, with people then with virtual things. Life is about loving our family, they can be anyone whom you consider family.
    I think you love nature, go for walks in the places you love, nature would give you what you want. Social media is just words on the screen. I have found friends on this, but family comes first.
    Be happy my darling. All my love to you.❤️

    Like

  9. You could never disappoint the ones who really care about you. You’re mental health always comes first. I love you and I hope in November you find peace and new love for all the things that bring you joy! Take all the time you need. Love you!!

    Like

  10. Mel, I’m so sorry to hear that you’re having a rough time and feeling down.
    Losing a pet is so hard. Losing friends is hard. Take the time you need to heal. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, and I know there’s not a single person here that would ever feel that you’re letting them down…

    Know that you are awesome at everything you do! I personally love your ASMR and was really excited when you started doing unboxings. You’re amazing. I know I don’t comment much, but your reviews are always perfect and you’ve been such a positive light. This will pass, friend. ♥️🧡💛 Huge hugs!

    Like

  11. I love you to the moon and back, and you deserve the time to take a break. You do so much, I honestly am in awe of you. I hope November is restful for you and you come back rejuvenated. If you want to play some ToS during your down time, hit me up

    Like

  12. Sending you all the love in the world right now! 💜
    I’m going through a similar situation and I understand how you feel right now. October has felt like a blur and I’ve been the feeling the same way about not reading enough, feeling behind, putting of physical and mental health. I completely understand and you know my messages are always open if you need to chat, vent, want to be spammed with corgi photos, or if you just want to gush about LOL, OW, or BTS.
    And I hope you know that YOU are enough, you ARE doing enough, and that it’s OKAY to be behind in things and feel like you’re in a slump. 💜 I think you’re doing the best that you can and I hope this month brings you back to the things you love and enjoy. And just remember, take as much time as you need. You can’t put a limit on your self-care and recovering the happiness you lost. You’ve been through a lot and all of those things deserve the time to be processed and healed from. You are so important and loved so much! 💜
    Also, if you want to do any gaming together or if you still want to do that buddy read on the 9th, let me know! 💜

    Like

  13. I’m sorry I’m late on this and I feel terrible that things aren’t going well for you. You’re one of the nicest people I’ve met in the book community and you’ve helped me so much. I wish there was something I could do to help you. My depression is bad right now, so I definitely understand the feelings of sadness, loss of interest, and just feeling horrible about myself. I hope you know that you’re very loved. I’m so sorry about your pet. That is the worst. I’m sorry about whatever happened on GR and that you lost friends. They suck. You’re awesome and they’re missing out. Love you so much and let me know if you need anything at all.

    Like

  14. So sorry to hear you’ve been struggling and that people have been rubbish to you. Please do not feel like you are letting anyone down by taking time for yourself. You are still such a huge inspiration to me – maybe even more so now that you are showing a little vulnerability ❤ Sending you so much love!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s