The Dark Tide by Alicia Jasinska | Drumsofautumn Review

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“A queen should answer to no one. Not the heavens, not the earth, not the sea. Especially not to something so temperamental as the tide.”

The Dark Tide is a novel that drew me in with its incredible world building and intriguing magic system but ultimately lost me when it comes to the plot.

This novel is about Lina, who fears that her brother will be the boy chosen to be the witch queen’s sacrifice to save the island this year. In order to protect him, she gets help from the boy she loves, Thomas, but then he ends up being chosen as the sacrifice.
Lina feels like it is her fault that Thomas got chosen and offers herself as a sacrifice in exchange for Thomas’s freedom, thinking she can find another way to appease the island.

And so we follow Lina on her journey of finding out more about the sacrifices and we also get to see the point of view of Eva, the current witch queen, mourning her sister, the witch queen before her, who sacrificed herself in the year prior in order to save the boy she loved.

“I’m not going to be made to feel bad for saving someone’s life. No matter how afraid I am now, I would still make the same choice. I’d rather die knowing I saved the person I loved than live knowing I abandoned them to save myself. But that doesn’t mean that I want to die.”

The atmosphere of this book is so amazing. I truly feel like it has been a really long time since I have last read a book with an atmosphere that I truly felt so captivated by. I very much found myself being able to envision all the places that I read about so very well and constantly wanting to know more about the history of the island and sacrifices.

The magic system was something that I was very much fascinated by, especially the fact that there is magic that the islanders can buy in the form of potions from the witches. Because this was an aspect that I enjoyed so much, I really wish this would’ve been explored even more because I truly couldn’t get enough of the possibilities of the magic that both the witches themselves were able to cast, but also the islanders through them.

“People claimed witches were nightmares, dreams, but Eva felt they were closer to plants; wild magic grew inside of each of them, waiting to be harvested in the strands of their hair, their salt tears, their spit and blood.”

I thought that the relationship between the witches and the islanders in general was a really intriguing and unique aspect. The Witch Queen is obviously not immensely popular with the islanders because she sacrifices a boy every year but they are grateful too cause they know they share the same interest too, which is to protect the island. While the main focus of this story is the conflict of the sacrifice, it was interesting to see that the witches and islanders actually live in peace, having a common enemy in the mainlanders.

“A witch’s house reflected those who dwelled within it. It was a mirror held up to their souls. Eva decided her soul must be a very black and twisted thing, because she missed the cold silence, the dark and its merciful shadows.

I also loved reading about Lina being a dancer, especially with her being injured and how that affects her. I have read a couple of Contemporary books focused on dance but it was really special to read about a dancer in a Fantasy setting and I don’t think I’ve ever had that experience before.

I very much related to Lina’s experience and could recognize myself in her thoughts and feelings about dance itself and about how it is so hard to recover from an injury when you have learned for years and years to constantly push yourself and you barely know what it is like to take a break. This was an aspect of this book that stood out to me specifically and that I feel very fond of.

“How strangely good it had felt, though. To leap. To spin. To sway. To dance as death stared her down. How alive she had felt in that moment. She’d held a monster captive with the turn of her body, the stamp of her heel on deck. A different kind of magic than the one Eva wielded, maybe, but magic all the same.”

I enjoyed reading from both the characters perspectives very much and I thought that it was very smart to include both POVs.
But I wanted so much more from the relationship between the two, especially as they had some really, really strong scenes. Their chemistry was through the roof and I loved the banter between them but ultimately I still didn’t really find myself invested in their relationship whatsoever, which was honestly the aspect that let me down the most.

And maybe I could blame this on my expectations too. I think I just went into this novel, thinking it would focus much more on the romantic relationship, when it actually more so focused on both main character’s family relationships. And that is an aspect that I do really love reading about but I just feel like the romantic storyline fell a little bit flat in comparison to that.
Now, I am not sure if there is going to be a sequel to this book but I read it thinking it was going to be a standalone and with that in mind, I just wanted more of Lina and Eva’s relationship.

I did love the casual queerness of this book, with obviously both of the main characters being queer (with Lina stating multiple gender attraction), but also Lina having two mums and there being a trans side-character.

“And something inside of her broke free, the lock wrenched off a door she hadn’t known existed, endless possibilities spilling over. Why hadn’t she ever thought of this? She was the rain—transformed. Floating and burning and falling, falling, falling.”

But in general I felt that, especially because I had been so intrigued by so many of the aspects in this story, I was extra disappointed by the overall plot of the book but especially the last 30% of it, as the ending felt quite rushed too.
As we were finally getting to a point in the last third that I felt like the plot was truly picking up, the scene was very abruptly cut off and we basically hit the epilogue section of this book. It just all felt almost anticlimactic to me.

And then there is Lina’s relationship with her brother, which needed so much more exploration on page. This is truly an aspect that I do not even know where to start unpacking because it is really complex but I just feel like this was not talked about enough at the end of this book. Lina has several conflicts with her brother and he is always described as someone with a temper, to the point where him getting mad was the reason that Lina’s ankle got injured. And Lina often describes being scared of her brother or how he might react to certain things.

“Every muscle in her body had braced instinctively at the first sign of his temper rising. She wondered if it would always be this way between them now. As if it wasn’t just her ankle that had broken, but something else, something irreparable.”

This relationship very much reads like an abusive one and I do not think that this aspect was explored enough in detail. It is one thing for Lina, as a character, to think that her brother’s behaviour is okay, because she knows that he loves her and she loves him and that he means no harm and it’s “just the way he is”. That is definitely behaviour that would be absolutely normal to obverse in a victim of abuse.

But it is never made clear to the reader, that this is very much not okay behaviour. And while many readers will still be able to see those aspects, I do not think abuse like this (especially in YA) should be something to be left so openly and to be interpreted by the reader.
I just really wish there had been some repercussions for the way Lina’s brother behaves.

“Lina liked to imagine she would be like that: fearless when it mattered most, unbreakable when it came to protecting the person she loved.”

Overall, I just wanted so much more from this novel. There are lots of aspects that I enjoyed and appreciated but ultimately I felt more so disappointed by this book because I felt like it couldn’t live up to its potential and tried to unpack too many aspects at once.

Trigger and Content Warnings for self-harm (for magical purposes), blood, violence and domestic abuse.

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The Lost Coast by A.R. Capetta | Drumsofautumn Backlist Review

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“They were in love with each other, and that was good. Love wasn’t the problem. It was losing it that could hurt the Grays.”

The Lost Coast is a beautifully atmospheric novel about witches, female friendship and being unapologetically queer.

This story revolved around Danny, who just moved to a new town with her mother. There she meets the Grays, a group of queer witches, and she realizes quickly that more than just coincidence brought her to this new town. We follow Danny as she grows closer to the Grays and helps them discover the mystery of the forest that one of their friends has vanished in.

It is so hard to describe this story without giving too much away. It has a very mysterious atmosphere and vibe to it and I think it is best to go into it knowing as little as possible. But if you like queer, witchy stories that focus on female friendship and found family, this is an absolute must-read for you.

“I didn’t have friends before the Grays. That word was an empty outline until they filled it in. ”

I actually usually don’t feel very drawn to stories about witches but The Lost Coast intrigued me because I loved Capetta’s Echo After Echo and generally love all things sapphic, so I honestly didn’t even care that this was a witchy story!

And I actually ended up not minding the witchy elements at all. On the contrary, I loved that all the Grays had different abilities and individual things they felt more drawn to.

“That girl might have magic in her heart, but never forget how much of her power is handed right to her by other people.”

My favourite aspect of this book was how queer it was. All of the Grays are queer and so absolutely unapologetic about it. Having this diverse group of people all being so openly queer is something that made so incredibly happy. I also loved how Danny is so casual about making out with girls because I feel like YA does not often show that it’s totally cool to just casually make out with people (given, of course, that they’re all okay with it). Seeing a girl being unapologetic about this, especially with other girls, is something I have huge appreciation for.

As for the specific identities mentioned in the book, there’s Lelia who is non-binary (she/her pronouns) and “not allo”. Hawthorn is Black and bisexual. Rush is fat and June is Filipino. And there was definitely a huge polyamorous energy between them but they never really define themselves that way. The Grays are just the Grays and they love each other in many different ways.
Danny never uses a specific label but is definitely attracted to multiple genders and reads pan.

“Even with all the girls I’ve hooked up with, I sometimes find myself wanting to kiss a boy, and that makes it harder for a lot of people—I won’t declare myself and stick to one side of a fence. I don’t know how to explain that I don’t even see the fence.”

I totally loved the structure and writing style and it really worked for this story. In the beginning the writing felt a little bit distant and until the end I had some issues getting really emotionally connected but I ended up not minding this at all. The writing is so lush and beautiful that the feelings and thoughts of the characters came across incredibly well!

The story switches between different points in time and point of views and included things like the whole school and “the trees” as points of views as well. Which sounds a little bit confusing in theory but works so well.
I think that these perspectives really helped to create a certain atmosphere because it makes the world building almost seem like a character. It made the atmosphere so easy to grasp and I felt completely engrossed in it.

“The Grays are always touching and kissing each other because so many before us couldn’t. Each kiss carries the weight of so many kisses that never were. Every touch is an invisible battle won.”

The element of female friendship, found family and unconditional love in this novel is so incredibly strong, it is very hard to even find words for it. But it was easily my favourite aspect. The love that the Grays have for each other was yet another thing that they were so unapologetic about and the fact that they never feel the need to define it was a very powerful element of this story.

There is also an absolutely wonderful romantic storyline between Danny and one of the Grays. This is another aspect where Capetta’s writing really stands out because the way that Danny’s feelings were described was so very beautiful.
The book also features a very well done sapphic sex scene, which is something I hugely appreciate being present in YA.

“The way she walks, at home in her skin, with all the doors open wide, is what I want. She turns back to me and smiles. Rush wants me with her, and she doesn’t have to cast a spell to convince me. She is the spell.”

Overall, I think this is an incredible novel that is very underrated and deserves much more love. If you enjoy novels that center a group of girls that all love each other unconditionally and without any limits, this is a novel for you.
I loved this novel with my whole heart and am so glad queer girls out there get to read it.

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Sasha Masha by Agnes Borinsky | Drumsofautumn ARC Review

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ARC provided by the publisher via Edelweiss
Publication: Nov 10th 2020 by Farrar, Straus and Giroux

“It really did seem like some monstrous force was suddenly rampaging through my life. I didn’t understand it, but I knew the name: Sasha Masha.”

Sasha Masha is a really moving ownvoices novel about exploring gender identity and understanding who you are.

Before I go into this, I just wanna say that I will be using he/him pronouns in this review, as that is what is used throughout the entire novel and because pronouns do not necessarily equal gender, I want to respect that.
I will not be using Sasha Masha’s deadname though, even though it is frequently used, as he mentions several times throughout the novel that Sasha Masha is the name he wants to be referred to as.

There isn’t much to say in regards to the plot of this novel but it is astounding how much was packed into this short novel. Really, in a lot of aspects it just reads like your good old coming-of-age novel, except it has the added element of Sasha Masha being trans and we follow Sasha Masha as he is figuring this out during all the other teenage experience shenanigans.

“But something was wrong. There was a high wall inside of me, and it made me angry, it made me stuck; there was a self on the other side—was this, now, the thing I’d failed to see? That in my heart of hearts I wasn’t a boy after all?”

I loved Sasha Masha’s journey and I thought that it was very powerful and moving. There is a lot of questioning and confusion going on in Sasha Masha’s inner monologue but it is so beautiful to follow him on the path to understanding his own gender identity and accepting who he is.

I especially loved the way the author approached Sasha Masha realizing he is trans, where he kinda has this persona of Sasha Masha and knows that that is who he wants to be and then slowly grows into it, but also learns that that person has been him all along, he just had to make sure to really embrace that part.

“I could only think of that picture, and I started to wonder whether I really just missed myself. You miss yourself? How could you miss yourself? You’re right here.”

There are definitely people in Sasha Masha’s life that struggle with him accepting his own identity but for the most part, he has a really wonderful support system in both old and new friends.

Especially seeing the queer support system that build up around him throughout this novel was an incredibly heart-warming aspect. These people not only accept him exactly as he is but they also support his journey, both with trying to help him figure his identity out but also just being patient with him and never pushing anything.

This novel also had several side-characters of colour and I very much enjoyed that there was a brief discussion about how a lot of queer riots were led by people of colour. This also introduced some discussions between a younger and older generation of queer people, which is something we so rarely get to see.

“We were like two pieces of rope that had been frequently knotted; even when we were separate, our bodies held the shape of the knot we made together.”

Mabel, Sasha Masha’s best friend who ended up moving away, especially stands out as a side-character. Even though they can only communicate via text and calls now, Mabel is still there for all of Sasha Masha’s journey and being accepting of him at all times.

I loved seeing moments from their friendship in the past and seeing Mabel always being an unapologetically queer presence in Sasha Masha’s life too. Their friendship is just incredibly well written and Mabel as a character within the book alone adds so much comfort.

“All of a sudden I felt far away from my parents. This road might take me places they would never go.”

I also found the relationship between Sasha Masha and his parents a very interesting aspect and I definitely wish we had gotten to see more of it because it was quite a complex relationship. They definitely care and worry a lot about Sasha Masha, especially as they’re starting to realize that something is going on and his behaviour changes, but they’re never actually there for their child to figure out the root of what is going on.

Throughout the story you are definitely wondering if Sasha Masha’s parents will accept him being trans. Long before he has come to the realization that he is trans, he is already wondering what his parents will think of the self-discovery journey that he is on.
I definitely liked this portrayal of Sasha Masha’s relationship with his parents and thought it added an important aspect to the story.

“The world was Real. This couch was Real, Murphy was Real, the light and the bookshelves and the creatures and the sounds of the city moving around me—they were all Real. Like it or not, the world is Real, and whoever we are, we are part of the world.”

I definitely think that overall a lot of the aspects in this novel were kept quite brief but that is very much due to this being a very short novel too. I would’ve loved to see a lot of the things talked about within this story to be discussed even more.

But ultimately, this showed us a glimpse of Sasha Masha’s life and his journey to not only understanding his own identity but also to get more comfortable within queer spaces and understanding and connecting with other queer people. And I feel grateful to have gotten such a glimpse and I know that his story will stay with me for a while.

Finishing this novel just gave me a really hopeful and positive feeling. And I know that there is lots more good things to come for Sasha Masha and people with similar journeys. After reading this story there is just such a wonderful, reassuring feeling, knowing they will find their path and people who unconditionally love and accept them.

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The Shadows Between Us by Tricia Levenseller | Drumsofautumn Review

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“Once, there was another boy who made me feel this way. One who made me feel full and seen and loved. Now the bugs of the earth have feasted on his flesh.”

The Shadows Between Us was such a delightful reading experiences and one of the best YA romances I have read in a while. This author clearly wrote this book with the intention to focus on the characters and their relationship and it paid off well.

In this novel we follow Alessandra, who is planning to woo the Shadow King so she can kill him and become the ruler of the kingdom herself. Not knowing the extent of his powers and what exactly the mysterious shadows around him do, she starts her scheme to get close to him, so she can become queen and learn all his secrets. But as she spends more time at his court, she realized it won’t be easy to win over the Shadow King without risking developing some feelings herself.

I went into this book without knowing much about it. Mostly I was interested in it because I really enjoyed Tricia Levenseller’s Daughter of the Pirate King duology and knew I wanted to read more work from this author. I liked the basic premise and thought the main character sounded really interesting and I was not disappointed in the slightest.

“But now everything is different, and I want so much more. At the same time, I’m terrified of having more and so glad he cannot touch me, that he will never hurt me because we will never be allowed to get that close.”

The main character was truly amazing and while she went through a lot of character development within this novel and developed feelings for the king too, she stayed true to her villainous nature. I loved seeing a character like her discover more about herself and really growing as a person while not changing who she is at her core.

The author also put an emphasis on how it’s okay to have sex with people without being emotionally attached to them or have romantic feelings. This character had casual sex with several partners and she was not ashamed of enjoying it and I think that is incredibly important representation in YA and we do not get it enough.
I just really enjoyed the all-around sex positivity but also emphasis on not being influenced by society’s views to DO have sex in this book!

“Waiting. Not Waiting. One lover. A hundred lovers. There should be no judgement either way. A woman is not defined by what she does or doesn’t do in the bedroom.”

I also very much enjoyed the love interest and thought his character development was incredibly well done. Because this book puts a lot of focus on the character and their relationships, it all felt very believable and well fleshed out and I felt super invested in the relationship between Alessandra and the Shadow King.

I especially loved seeing the way these two characters learn from and inspire each other. They start admiring each other just for the person that they are but they also both grow and learn by being in each other’s company and because they want to make their relationship work despite a lot of obstacles in their way.

“I’m not going to spend my life alone so I can reach a hundred. Three hundred. A millennium. I don’t care about a long life anymore. I can’t stand being alone for one second longer. I can’t stand being apart from you for one second longer.””

The aspect that was probably lacking the most in this novel was the world building. We don’t really get much of that at all and there is never really an explanation of the King’s shadows. We don’t know what exactly they are, where they came from or just how they fit into the context of this world.

For me, personally, this was not really an aspect that bothered me, as I enjoyed the characters and relationship so very much and was happy that we got a well fleshed-out romantic storyline. But I will say that if world building and understanding all aspects of it is really important to you, this book might not be for you.

As far as the general plot goes, I really enjoyed it overall and thought the whole mystery in this book was intriguing enough. Again though, this is not the aspect that made the book for me and also not the aspect I would sell this book with.

“I think that when you care enough for someone, you reach a point where it’s far more painful not to have him at all than to have him and risk losing him. You realize the risk is worth it. Because happiness, however short-lived, is always worth it.”

Overall, this book really shines because of its focus on the characters and really giving the main relationship time to develop. If you enjoy YA Fantasy with a big emphasis on the romantic storyline and want to read a truly well done take on the enemies to friends to lovers trope, I would absolutely recommend this.

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The Liar’s Guide to the Night Sky by Brianna R. Shrum | Drumsofautumn ARC Review

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ARC provided by the publisher via Edelweiss
Publication: Nov 3rd, 2020 by Sky Pony Press

“It’s freezing and dark because this is how it is with us; this is how we connected, so it’s fitting that this is where we wind up, kissing each other like we are both hungry.”

The Liar’s Guide to the Night Sky is YA Survival Story that had some very promising aspects to it but ultimately ended up not delivering when it came to unpacking them.

The story starts with a group of teens, most of them cousins, who all got together because of a sickness in the family, sneaking out to an abandoned ski slope, when they get hit with a sudden mudslide and are stranded on this mountain with nobody knowing where they are.

Our main character Hallie decides that she doesn’t wanna sit around and wait for help but to go and search for it herself. Jonah, her cousin Jaxon’s best friend, joins her and we follow them on their survival journey but also them getting to know each other better.

I have read two other books by Brianna Shrum that I really loved, so I was very excited to pick this novel up, even if it was slightly out of my comfort zone, as I do not usually reach for (Contemporary) Survival stories. But I was excited by the diversity aspects in this story and my love for the author’s earlier books, so I wanted to give it a chance.

Sadly, I did not end up being very satisfied with this novel and the elements in it. I think that there are a lot of intriguing aspects to it but ultimately the things that I would’ve wanted to read more about were either not talked about enough or just didn’t get the on-page time they deserved.

“We touch each other, under the black sky and a million stars that shine a million miles away, stars that make up the backdrop of this crucial twenty-four hours, this life-altering turn of a night, and that do not give a single shit about us. We are not imprinted in the memory of the stars. Anyway, it’s the vastness of the black that’s imprinted in mine.”

One of the very promising aspects of this story are the complex family dynamics that are portrayed. Hallie lived away from the rest of her big family for a long time and feels out of place in between them, even when she wants to be part of this cousin group so very badly.

She struggles with not getting inside jokes and just feeling like she doesn’t know everyone as well as they all know each other. On top of that, whenever there were family gatherings in the past, it seemed like her parents wanted to mostly keep her away from the rest of the family and making her feel like they would have a bad influence on her.

One aspect that plays into this is racism, which absolutely did not get unpacked enough in regards to Hallie’s parents. We find out about a conversation between Hallie’s dad and his brother, that Hallie overheard when she was younger, where they are having a fight and Hallie’s uncle asks if this is about him being married to a Black woman. And in that moment Hallie even thinks to herself that her uncle is probably right.

But that is the most that this ever really gets talked about. I know that it can be hard to challenge your parents about their racism, especially when it has to do with family relationships and it being something that you think might be out of your lane.
But apart from the fact that Hallie is acknowledging this and being upset by it, this is never really brought up again, even by anybody else. And it is not like Hallie is the picture-perfect daughter in this novel who never says anything against her parents.. the fact that the racism is never brought up by her, was really disappointing.

It seemed like the author was making a point later on in the novel about how the main character in general didn’t seem to be super well informed about (anti-Black) racism, when she has a conversation about the racism in Denver and other “liberal-leaning” cities with Jaxon, who is Afro-Latinx and studies Political science.
And while that obviously would be a very valid point to make, especially considering Hallie’s parents, there was not enough substance to this conversation and, again, the topic is never really brought up again when it comes to her parents and the fact that they have basically completely separated themselves from the rest of the family due to racism.

Plus, the conversation ends with Hallie making heart eyes at Jason because he is so passionate about fighting racism… instead of her actually processing what he said. And the topic gets brought up again later, when Jaxon tells Hallie about his dad having been in jail for 10 years for smoking weed and how that is a systematic issue that many Black men have to face. All Hallie has to say about this is that it “fucking sucks”.

I am going to talk about the Black character doing all the explaining to the white character later in the review but the thing is that there is just such a wasted opportunity here. The least Hallie could’ve done is to really listen and learn and to later on confront her parents about their racism and how it kept her from being close to her family. It honestly feels like Hallie doesn’t take anything away from this conversation whatsoever.

“When he pulls me toward him with the smallest pressure in the tips of his fingers and kisses me. It is so slow that it fucking hurts. I think that maybe I’ve never kissed anyone in my life.”

Now while I don’t think that the racism was handled very well, I think that a lot of the representation was done much better. There is Hallie being Jewish (which is ownvoices) and I liked that this novel used lots of Jewish terms and talked about traditions, while also acknowledging that there is a lot of layers to being Jewish and practising (or not practising) Judaism.

Jonah and Hallie also have a really great conversation about romantic and sexual attraction. Hallie identifies as bisexual and Jonah identifies as pansexual and aromantic and the aromantic and bisexual representation is an ownvoices aspect. Now while I cannot speak for any of these identities, I liked that the author took the time for the characters to really have a conversation about this. This is one of the few novels that actually explains what pansexual means, while also acknowledging that sexuality is a spectrum, which made me really happy to read about.

Jonah also talks about being aromantic and what that means for him. There was definitely an emphasis put on the fact that it does not mean that he is broken or incapable of love, which is so very important to point out. Jonah also mentions that he is not monogamous and explains it to Hallie too because she basically immediately assumes what he means is cheating, when he is talking about consensual polygamy.

Now I am grateful for these barely represented identities to be so well-explained in a novel but especially as I was writing this review, I realized how much explaining there was within this novel and that most of it came from Jonah. He keeps educating Hallie about all of these different things and the author even makes a point for Hallie to point out that she would do research herself, if she had internet, but it is a really cheap excuse for the one, main person of colour in this story to do all of the explaining.

“I am absolutely suffocated by the fact that I seem to have changed utterly while my parents simply have not. Nothing else has. Nothing but me.”

Apart from all of those glaring issues with this book, I also just didn’t enjoy the Survival part of this story much. I will say that that very well might be a me-problem because I obviously didn’t really go into this novel because of that aspect but because I was interested in the author’s work in general and the character dynamics. But I just ended up being bored by the Survival aspect because, while the stakes were supposed to feel high, they never really did.

I also couldn’t handle the stupidity of the main character and her companion leaving the group in the first place. Throughout this story I kept thinking about there being a good chance that this group had already been found while these two people are still wandering around, with absolutely no indication of where they could be for any help on the way.

The really interesting aspect of this story could’ve been the aftermath of this traumatic event. The last part of this book was so fucking good because it dealt with the main character trying to live a normal life after her time hiking through these mountains, fearing for her life.
But sadly that was truly only on the last couple of pages. The main character very clearly suffers from PTSD and depression and it is so interesting to read her inner monologue and her not understanding how everybody else can just move on with their lives when she just has been through such a life-altering event. I absolutely wish that this aspect would’ve taken up so much more time of this novel.

Especially as this is also where the relationship between Hallie and Jonah truly becomes fascinating because they have been through this together and understand each other better than anybody else. This is where we could’ve really discovered the bond between them and if and how their relationships develops.

“I care that, for this second, all there is is me and Jonah and a hundred trees that have no opinion, a solid dark that surrounds us, that lets us both just exist in a way that is shockingly alive. Shockingly … connected.”

I will say that I liked the nature of their relationship a lot and it is something that we really do not get to see in Young Adult. They had a strong bond, were physically affectionate and had sex but this is not a Romance. I think it is so important to show that two people can have a genuine connection with each other and have a physical relationship too, without them having romantic interest in each other or falling in love.

Lastly I do want to say that Hallie is 17 and in high school and Jonah is almost 20 and in college. I feel like I have become very aware of age in YA relationships and do find it important to point it out, even though I struggle to talk about it, especially as someone who did not grow up or has ever lived in the US.
But I know that for a lot of people, while this age gap isn’t big, it makes a huge difference that one is in college and one is in high school. There is even a conversation in the beginning where Jaxon says to Jonah “stay away from the high schooler” and while I understand that this was more like some kind of protective older sibling joke, it immediately left a bad taste in my mouth about their relationship.

Overall, I finished this novel feeling disappointed and that is very much the lingering feeling after writing my review too. I feel like this had a lot of potential and I do believe that the author had good intentions but ultimately, this sadly missed a mark.. or many.

Trigger and Content Warnings for underage cannabis use and drinking, blood, injury, loved one with a terminal illness, PTSD, depression.

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This Is All Your Fault by Aminah Mae Safi | Drumsofautumn ARC Review

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ARC provided by the publisher via Edelweiss

“She felt new, fresh. She felt cleansed. From all the loathing that had been welling up inside of her. From the slow creep into the darkness. Wild Nights had saved her. Again.”

This Is All Your Fault is a YA Contemporary with a really refreshing storyline, unpacking a whole bunch of different themes and topics.

At the centre of this story is the indie bookstore, Wild Nights, and all the characters trying to save the store from being closed. The story starts with a bit of a wild attempt by one of the employees, Eli, to invest a whole bunch of money by buying and re-selling Jordans.. but things just get worse from there.

The story is told from three point of views. We have Daniella, who is very much the employee with the most responsibility in the bookstore and can come across quite bossy. She writes poetry and publishes it on a anonymous Instagram account.
Then there is Imogen, who starts this story out by shaving her head and is clearly going through some stuff. She has a Middle-Eastern heritage and is queer and while she is not diagnosed within this story, probably has depression.
Finally we have Rinn, who has a super bubbly and happy exterior and makes bookish content online. She is biracial (Mexican-American and German) and has anxiety.

“We pay attention to tons of things we don’t realize at the time. But they become the voices in our head anyway.”

When I realized that this story was actually going to take place over the course of one day and only in this book store, I definitely felt a little bit apprehensive. I thought that it would probably make it hard to get attached to the characters and to really feel invested in their storylines.

But ultimately, while reading this story, I realized that the way it is written works really well for it. You are just invested enough in the individual characters and their issues but the aspect that keeps you captivated is all these storylines coming together to tell the story of this closing bookstore.

And I absolutely loved the setting of the bookstore. I think that the author did an amazing job at truly making this bookstore come to life. It was almost like it was its own character and I loved the fact that we had all of these very different characters who came together to tell its story.
After reading this novel I really wish that this was an actual read bookstore that I could visit.

“And when Rinn had an idea, nothing could stop her, come hell or high water—that much had always been apparent about Rinn Olivera.”

One of my favourite aspects of the story is Rinn and the fact that she has a pretty huge social media platform talking about books. I feel like we have gotten so many YA stories about characters who love books and/or who are writers but I cannot remember ever reading about someone who is a “bookish influencer”. It was genuinely SO MUCH FUN to read about Rinn and her creative process for making content.

But this also highlighted some of the darker aspects of the bookish and author community in general. There is a storyline with a popular male author who sexually harasses one of the girls in the bookstore and we find out about him having shown behaviour like that for many years.

This is of course in general an incredibly timely topic in our society but especially something that keeps coming up in the bookish sphere and I really loved that Aminah Mae Safi made this a theme in the novel because it is a very realistic, sadly all too common thing that might get talked about a lot in certain social media circles, but other than that is often an aspect that gets ignored.

“The vulnerable risk everything. The powerful can just point at everything that they have amassed, as though that’s an argument against potential injustice and misbehavior.”

There is also all the mental health issues that the characters deal with. Apart from the storyline of the closing bookstore, this is truly the main theme of this story for me. I personally really liked the portrayal of these issues because they showed how different things can manifest in people and how different situations can trigger people.

There were some situations where the characters messed up and didn’t treat people well because of their bad mental health, which should obviously never be an excused, but it all gets unpacked and talked about and I very much enjoyed that.

In general while I truly didn’t feel very attached to these character because of the nature of this story and the short time span, I just genuinely adored the way these characters were portrayed as flawed but willing to learn and grow. Some of these characters are truly unlikeable but it doesn’t make them any less enjoyable to read about.

“It was understanding what sadness was—sometimes more than a feeling—and that it was a thing she could almost taste, could almost touch at times, it was so real.”

I will say that I wasn’t the biggest fan of the relationships between the characters and how they developed. This was genuinely the weakest aspect of this story for me and I think that this is definitely an aspect that suffers if you write a story that just takes place over the course of one day.

Especially when you think about the fact that these characters have known each other and worked together for a while, a lot of the development that happened in this story just seemed like a very quick change of heart. It definitely makes sense that a huge event like a bookstore closing would bring people closer together but it still seemed quite a lot for just one day. I think that you have to suspend your disbelief a little bit with the relationships in this book.

“Off camera, three girls were burying their secrets. Maybe one day they’d dig them up. Maybe they wouldn’t. But the city would guard their memories, regardless. Waiting, until they were ready.”

Overall, I had a really good time reading this story. I don’t think it is anything that will stay with me for a long time but there is also nothing that I actively disliked about it.
I definitely recommend it if you want to read a novel that is set in a bookstore.

Trigger and Content Warnings for sexual harassment, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, smoking (vape).

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✨ Lea posts a review on Meltotheany every Friday! Read more of her reviews HERE! ✨

Our Year of Maybe by Rachel Lynn Solomon | Drumsofautumn Backlist Review

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“He has a part of me, and I’m the one with a gaping hole that can’t be fixed.”

Our Year of Maybe is an incredibly well done book about unrequited love and friendship break-ups, a topic that I think way too little YA books focus on.

This book has many layers to it. One of the core events of it is Sophie donating her kidney to her best friend Peter, who she is also in love with. They grew up together and are basically each other’s only friends, but we realize throughout the book that their friendship is not perfect and both of them struggle with what they give and want out of it.

Sophie is dyslexic and Jewish. Peter’s dad is Jewish and Peter is trying to connect more with Judaism. He is also bisexual and chronically ill.

“Our lives have revolved around Peter always. He is the earth, and I am the moon. There was never enough I could do to get him to love me the way I wanted, to see me as more than just a moon. I have never been enough, and he has always been too much.”

I was first and foremost interested in this book because I really enjoy books that focus on music and so having a main character who plays piano and another who is a dancer was an incredibly intriguing concept to me.

But as I was getting into this book, I absolutely stayed for the friendship dynamic. While I wouldn’t necessarily say the music aspect fell flat, it completely took a backseat with all of the other stuff going on in this novel.

“And that’s the horrible truth of it all, isn’t it? Peter could slash me open and steal my other kidney, and I would let him. If it would keep him alive, I’d dig it out for him myself.”

The feelings both of these characters have for each other are messy and I loved every second of reading about them trying to figure things out. What really works about this book is that both fuck up and both say mean things to each other. But it doesn’t feel wrong but more like everything they say and do is inevitable and rather like something that needed to be said for a long time, even if it might hurt.
Especially Sophie’s thoughts were always brutally honest and it was so interesting to see her grapple with the hopes she had of the kidney donation bringing her closer to Peter.

Sophie’s unrequited love was unbelievably well written and it really made me question if I have ever read it as such a main theme in a book. While I love romances in books, my own teenage experience came far closer to what Sophie was experiencing and I know that this is a book that I absolutely would’ve needed.
I definitely wish that this was something that would become much more common in YA.

“I love you,” I whisper to him before we’re taken into the operating room. “Me too,” he whispers back, and my last thought before I surrender to the anesthesia is: You have no idea how much.”

But this book is not only about how the relationship between them changes but also them reflecting on their friendship in general, and recognizing that it hasn’t been very healthy for a long time.
They realize how they depended on only each other for so long, that they never looked outside to see if there are other people they wanna be close with. Both Sophie and Peter come out of their shell with other friend groups and it is great to see them develop and really understand themselves for the first time.

There was also a very cute m/m romance in Peter’s storyline. While the relationship between Sophie and Peter is definitely the main focus of this book, the romance between Peter and his other love interest was super well developed and very lovely to read about.
And for anyone that is now wondering – no, this book has no cheating! There is definitely some slightly questionable behaviour but for me personally everything got talked about and resolved in such a way, that it made sense for the story line.

“That’s why uncertainty is so safe: I can wrap myself in this potentially unrequited love and never risk getting shut down.”

I feel like YA is more and more featuring sex scenes that are not fade-to-black and still manage to be absolutely YA appropriate and I think that this book knocked it out of the park with that.
It had a male/female and a male/male sex scene and in both consent was a really important factor and especially in the male/female sex scene there was a focus on asking your partner what they enjoy.

It also talked about the female main character owning a vibrator and masturbating AND the male main character masturbating and how this had previously been affected by him being chronically ill. I was truly impressed by these aspects being included as I find it really important to normalize these things.

“It’s easy to fall in love with someone who’s a master of their craft. Peter at the piano has an intensity I’ve always admired. An electricity, like if I touched him in the middle of a Rufus Wainwright song, he’d burn my hand.”

We also have Sophie’s sister, who is a teen mum and not only did I enjoy her as a character a lot, it was also great to see her relationship with Sophie and how they grew much closer and understood that they both individually have completely different struggles to deal with that are each valid in their own right.
In general both Sophie and Peter had super interesting family dynamics as well and the parents were very present in both of their point of views.

“He didn’t owe me his love, and I didn’t deserve it because of the sacrifices I made. That’s not a friendship. Peter and I were unbalanced for a long time.”

Overall, I am so very happy that this book exists and I definitely would want more recommendations for these kinds of stories.
This book portrays a super messy and unbalanced relationship but the issue is talked about and resolved in a way that does not make it questionable or problematic but simply an important addition to all the Contemporary Happily Ever Afters out there.

I definitely highly recommend this for anyone that loves strong relationship, friendship and family dynamics!

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✨ Lea posts a review on Meltotheany every Friday! Read more of her reviews HERE! ✨